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There are lots of great things about being in a long-term relationship: Research shows that happy couples, in many ways, have better health and overall wellbeing than their single or divorced peers (Not saying that single and being divorce is horrible or a bad thing). After all, a loving partner can offer companionship, comfort, and physical and emotional support when you need it.

But after years of marriage or dating, a significant other can start to feel more like a roommate than a romantic partner. Maybe you’ve grown apart, you’re busy with work and kids, or the spark’s just not there anymore. For whatever reason you’ve found yourself falling out of love, here’s how I suggest you find your way back in.

What I’ve learned boils down to this: Even a marriage or relationship that’s about to hit rock bottom can get back up and love again!

Here are 5 Simple Ways to Restore the Fires of Love:

1. Act like you’re in a new relationship. I suggest that you ask each other the kinds of questions that new daters ask’ “getting to know each other” conversations. Go back to the beginning! Go on dates often, buy them gifts and write them a sweet love poem or song (I love writing poems lol) act as if you are still trying to win their heart again. Trust me, it works. Act as if you just met your spouse and you are trying to get to know him or her again. Start fresh! BRAND NEW!! Sometimes in a relationship, a start over is what couples need to get back their flame of love back.

2. Pay attention to your spouse. One of the biggest complaints I hear is that couples feel ignored by their mates. Spouses get used to one another and, over time, don’t really notice what they’re each going through.

Sometimes people think they’re paying attention to their spouses but they really aren’t. Couples get complacent and that paralyzes growth. I advise couples to look into the other’s eyes when they’re having a conversation. It’s much easier to concentrate on someone’s words and share when your partner is looking right at you. Communication is vital! Never assume you know everything about you partner, like i mentioned above, always try to get to know them as if it were a first date! You need to understand the person you’re in love with.

As a team, you both need to learn good listening techniques. When one person speaks, the other can’t interrupt. He must listen completely before he says anything — and then he has to respond. And vice versa. 

3. Share new experiences. For years, relationship experts (and every women’s magazine in the world lol #ProWoman right lol) have been advising couples to set aside time for “date night.” I believe going out and doing things together on a regular basis and creating romantic rituals is good for a relationship. But it’s even better to try something out of the ordinary. Get creative and step outside your comfort zone with your partner. Stop being so boring and start living!

Doing something new and different together, like taking tennis lessons or hiking or belly dancing (I never belly danced before lol), or something out of the ordinary — something to enhance your love and get your fire burning again!

Don’t be afraid to try new things with your partner. Again, DO NOT BE BORING! You may fall in love all over again and realize why you love them so much in the first place. Sometimes life has a way of being so busy with work, children and business that it makes you forget the fun of being in love. Don’t allow life to strip that away from you!

4. Be affectionate — physically and verbally. Research has established that touch communicates a wider range of emotions than mere gestures. The science of touch suggests that a pat on the back, a squeeze of the hand, a hug or an arm around the shoulder can save a marriage on the rocks.

However, this prescription for tenderness must also include the love languages — and it needs to be heartfelt. “I love you” should be more than just 3 words at the end of a phone call or when you are leaving for work. Instead, say something affectionate and sweet at unexpected times. 

Its nothing wrong with being sweet, kind and affectionate to your wife brothers! Trust me! I struggled with that with my wife, but I’m learning to love her as if it were my last day on earth.

5. Always be kind. It’s not important whether your partner is ‘succeeding’ or ‘failing’ when your goal is to have a genuinely loving relationship. If your partner shows up late, no matter how annoyed you are, you can still respond with kindness.

Being kind has a lot to do with where you came from. If you grew up in a family where people were unkind or not nice to one another, you may have a tendency to treat your spouse unkindly. If your spouse complains, you may try tactics such as, “Why are you so sensitive?” “What’s the matter with you, you act like you live in la la land.” All of these shift the blame to your spouse. You may feel validated, but your spouse feels less loved, less cared for, and less understood. Anger grows here, and your spouse becomes resentful. All of a sudden the spouse, who may have wanted to be kind, becomes your enemy. They begin to hate you, criticize you, and note every one of your flaws.

When a marriage becomes insensitive and unkind, it no longer feels safe and secure.

Be kind and compassionate to your partner and try to understand them! Being KIND is an amazing attribute and is an important factor in a relationship.

Hope this helps! Let’s stay connected 🙂 

Connect and stay in touch with me:

Instagram: @Keishornescott

Keishorne Scott
Keishorne Scott is an Author, Motivational Speaker, Mentor, Award Winner and Entrepreneur who was born in the Town Of Arima, Trinidad and Tobago, raised in Barbados and then moved to Brooklyn, NY at the age of eight where he has been resting his head ever since. While growing up in Canarsie in Brookyn he knew he was going to be the one to make a change. Inspired by friends and family; he knew he had the love and support to pursue in making a difference. Keishorne is also the founder of the “One More Educated Black Man” Mentoring Organization. By having such support he has been able to create this organization that allows the youth to step outside of the box and create futures of their own by gaining a helping hand for positive men who cares.

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