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By Catherine Behan

 

Are you staying for the stuff?
When a relationship is dying out, you know it. The intense chemistry you once had with your partner has shifted, and you spend more time not talking than talking. It isn’t bad but it certainly isn’t good either.

Have you ever stayed in a relationship just for the stuff? For example, do you have a great bed? One woman said she stayed in her relationship just because of a Tempur-Pedic mattress lol I’m sorry but this is kind of funny. Do you belong to a gym? Or on the same phone plan? Do you own a second home in another state that would no longer be yours if you left the relationship? All of this stuff can tempt you to stay in the relationship even if you know it should be over. Oh, and even having a child. That’s big!

Is your happily-ever-after starting to look a little dim?

When is it time to move on? It’s important to realize that no man is perfect. No man is able to be everything that you need him to be and vice versa. So, how does a woman know when to compromise in order to keep the peace or when to communicate to her partner in an effort to make the relationship work?

Staying for the stuff is a common choice, and the examples above are true stories of what people choose to stay in relationships for. Are you in a stay-or-go situation? Do you go to God in prayer and ask what to do next? Here are five key questions to consider if you’re wondering if your relationship is over:

1. Do you have any chemistry left? If the chemistry wearing off, how does that effect your relationship? Does your relationship lack intimacy and affection?  Believe it or not, some people do not miss affection at all. It may be hard for you to believe it but in today’s marriages, there are all kinds of compromises that work. Weird ones too.

and please keep in mind: Lack of chemistry and sex does not automatically disqualify your man or your woman. and please I encourage no sex before marriage. #Christiangoals

2. Are you companionable? If you and your man have many shared interests and enjoy doing things together, that is of tremendous value. Having a companion who likes to spend time with you is valuable.

Look for signs of companionability with your current partner. List the things you enjoy doing together. If some of your interests are laying dormant, then wake them up! See if you still enjoy his company while doing things you did in the beginning of your relationship.

3. Are you at home in your home? If you feel comfortable in your surroundings and are free to express yourself at home with music, art and food, you have something very valuable. Some tell me they are bored because there is not enough fireworks or excitement. I get that, but you can always take sky diving lessons or take an improv class if you want to get your adrenaline running.

Be very careful what you define as boring. Living in peace with another person can be extremely fulfilling when you release that person from having the responsibility to supply the juice that gets your heart beating. Having peace with your partner can truly bring passion to your life.

4. Do you have a passion? Seriously. What is your passion outside of romance? Do you have a charity you support? My girlfriend loves to write and sing. And she’s very good at both! 🙂 I have friends who love animals and many others find a lot of pleasure and love with animals because they are often so much easier to love than people!

You need passion. Before you leave your relationship, work at finding a passion outside your current interests. Pour yourself into something that feeds your soul. What hobby did you enjoy 20 years ago? Why did you quit? Chances are your partner is feeling the stress of your needing him to be everything to you.

5. How nice is the stuff? This is a serious subject, and sometimes the loss of the stuff is considerable. When my friends was getting divorced, She said to me, “I’m going to lose too much.”

Sometimes the stuff of life keeps you in longer than you should be there. No one can tell you how happy you are, or how happy you should be. All I can tell you is that when you approach your 40s or 50s, you need to be exceedingly careful before you move on. If you live in comfort, have companionability, and a reasonably good communication system, there is only one more thing you need to know so that you can stay … at least for now.

 

Keishorne Scott
Keishorne Scott is an Author, Motivational Speaker, Mentor, Award Winner and Entrepreneur who was born in the Town Of Arima, Trinidad and Tobago, raised in Barbados and then moved to Brooklyn, NY at the age of eight where he has been resting his head ever since. While growing up in Canarsie in Brookyn he knew he was going to be the one to make a change. Inspired by friends and family; he knew he had the love and support to pursue in making a difference. Keishorne is also the founder of the “One More Educated Black Man” Mentoring Organization. By having such support he has been able to create this organization that allows the youth to step outside of the box and create futures of their own by gaining a helping hand for positive men who cares.

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